I'm not just anything....

I’m not just your everyday girl…

         So please don’t waste your caddy judgments on me. 

Brides wear white.

Prom dresses are fancy.

True love is special.

Life is uncertain.

Parents are right.

Funerals are sad.

Rules aren’t to be broken.

School is important.

Respect is mandatory.

What is none of this is true? What if it’s just a way for our families to help keep us grounded? I think all the thoughts listed above are logical, that they’ve been said to keep us safe, and ensure that we’re happy. However—I’m over trying to follow these “standards”. All these little “isms” do is make me ridiculously hard on myself. They make me doubt my abilities, and fear the future.

In the midst of my own pity party, I realize again—this would be the best time for a rulebook. (If the book isn’t finished, or happens to be to long read on toilet, I’d gladly accept flowers instead. Preferably the bright pink ones, with vibrant fresh green stems.) I need to remember that other’s judgment cannot knock me down.

It is important that I chase my dreams. I must remember that road to our dreams can’t be found on the GPS. There is no estimated time of arrival. Everyday the road twist and turns. Some days we all move forward on the path to capturing our dreams, and other days were stagnant. At the end of the day we must remember to take the good with the bad, it’s part of this game of Life.

I may look like your girl next store, but don’t assume that I am your neighbors little girl.

Beep!!!! Beep!!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!!

                  Oh that’s just my alarm to say I’m ovulating….

I’m not sure when it happened, or even how it happened. But I woke up and became an adult. All my friends started making decisions that would forever change their life. My girlfriends started getting butterflies and rings, and my guy friends hung up the all night drinking caps and buckled down.

Because of all these changes there isn’t a weekend that doesn’t have some sort of shower/ celebration. The calendar is filled with these weekend events. I often think I should set aside $400 to cover me for the year of these events. However, I know next year there will be more events, and $400 won’t help me out.

I’m a runner…. More mentally, than physically. However, I’m adopting the new hat of being a physical runner. I’m trying my hardest to stick to the plan for the Marathon. I know I’m running for a good cause. I know that I’m running so another child can go to camp. I’m starting to realize I’m running to put everything into perspective. I’m an avoider. I’m gun-ho about addressing issues I’m passionate about. I especially like the ones where I know I’ll receive the answer I’d like to hear. I don’t do well with those that throw a curve ball into the situation, pit my stomach, or make me think twice about the situation. Hell~ I don’t do well at all with ones that make let down my guard and show my feelings.

I adopted the independent perspective a long time ago. My independent perspective didn’t need anyone to help me, or stand beside me. After my first big heart break, I ruled out ever (or so I thought) wanting to walk down that path again. But as I’m getting older (maybe one day wiser?!) I’m realizing plans don’t really work. They’re just ideas… You can’t always hold yourself to those. As I learn by trial and error that I cannot always hold myself to a plan, I’m learning that sometimes there is no time for a plan. That someone to lean on may just be the next best thing.

I need to face fear in the face. There are going to be more situations that will make me anxious, and uneasy. I need to make it a conscious decision to accept it, educate myself, and tackle it instead of running from it. It is okay to be accepting of change…

To my friends who have set your alarms for more “big girl” reasons~ I’m willing to stand right beside you. We’ll tackle our mixed emotions together.

Beep!!!! Beep!!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!!

Assemble It Yourself~

We play by the rules, or so we think… We aim to hit all the “ monumental” moments at right the times, and obey the rules/ laws when we’re working towards those moments. But do you ever wish there was a legit “Life for Dummies” book??

If I could sit down and write a few chapters, I’d start with all the moments that made me dodge my mother, and my palms sweat. The ones that make you so uncomfortable, you’re not even sure how to figure out if the sequence of events are actually “ normal”.

Chapter 1: Braces

For the next 18-36 months you will look like a fool (I’m sorry, it’s true)! These will only be “ cute” for one week, approximately around week # 2 once your mouth is out of the initial (note: initial means the first time) agony. Please brush often, and avoid obnoxious colors—it’s far from “ adorable” to make your mouth look like an American Flag, or a sideline cheerleader for your favorite sports team.

Chapter 2: Aunt Flow

She sucks—I’m not sure why you were ever patiently waiting till it was your turn. For the next 30 years, you’ll bitch every time you think of her coming to town.  Do yourself a favor (I’m begging you!)-- skip the pad phase. It will take you years to master the strategic lay out of those bulky items. And because you will feel like you’re wearing a diaper, you will walk in the most awkward manner. Your walk will scream to everyone that you’re on your PERIOD, and your secret will no longer be safe.

I’ll need help writing the in-between chapters because I can’t remember the devastating issues of life, besides sitting for days tapping my feet on the title floor hoping I got asked to Prom. When I’d write again, I’d begin writing about college, and all the crazy events that take place at the most unexpected times.

I’ll divide my chapters with brief personal stories from friends, because it is those “awful” stories that make the events so much better.  Truth of the matter is that years later, these events are just as vivid as yesterday. Just now, they don’t evoke sweating palms. I suppose I’ll continue to take all of these moments, because later they’re better shared over a bottle of wine with your closest friends~

“Eventually all the pieces fall into place.... until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason.” Carrie Bradshaw