*I want to finish my first marathon with a smile that is contagious*

*I want to finish my first marathon with a smile that is contagious*

New Years Resolution # 1

is OFFICIALLY DONE!

Thank you for all who believed in me. 

Thank you for all the donations.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

First Day of the New Year

feeling

Thankful

Followed by

…

new

Resolutions

I am thankful. I’m sure I sound like every other person on January 1^st. Either you’ve loved it or you have hated it, none the less a new year is here—even if we’re not all ready for it yet!

Below are the items I’m most thankful for. No specific order, each holds a special spot in making me thankful for a successful year in 2010.

Comfort Zone Camp- Comfort Zone Camp is a non- profit bereavement camp for children 7-17 who have lost a parent or sibling. Camp is 100% free and matches a child with a one on one mentor for an entire weekend. I am honored and humbled to have been matched 7 times in 2010, and to have directly worked with 10 little girls. Because of the strength these children at camp have shown me, I’ll be running my first marathon in a few days. I have raised enough money to send 6 kids to camp ($500- per child to attend camp)!!!  Not only have I learned so much about myself from the children, but from the dedicated volunteers and staff as well.

Reminding myself that there is no time for misery- In May I threw in the towel. I had recognized (10 sizes later, and many cocktails) how miserable I was at my day job. I decided to ditch security, and seek happiness. Because of my courage to leave I believe everything else fell into place.

True friendship knows no distance- I grew up traveling the states. I called home the state before the current one, and never thought I’d settle. I remember crying when I’d say goodbye, and hoping I’d see these people again. Thanks to communication being easier, the pain of the goodbyes seem to never have existed. My girlfriends don’t seem far away at all. This year I experienced weddings, new life, and the honoring of a lost life—all with those that I consider my true friends.

As for the New Year—I’m open for suggestions on how to improve life. Below are some of my lighthearted thoughts.

*I want to finish my first marathon with a smile that is contagious* I want to laugh until the wee hours of the morning, because it doesn’t matter about the time difference*I want to volunteer* I want to hug a child, and whisper  “you’re going to make it” in their little ears* I want to eat dessert for breakfast* I want to inspire those closest to me* I want to whisper I love you, even when I’m mad* I want to be accepted into my a Master’s program* I want to see the world* I want to risk sharing my deepest thoughts with those I love most* I want to make time for friendly e-mails* I want to answer the phone even when I’m busy* I want to stay at the gym after all the New Year’s Resolutions have been dropped* I want to encourage more people to try my vegetarian lifestyle* I want to dare to do the impossible with the blessing of those closest to me.

All of which I’ll try in 2011

I wish tomorrow was promised

This weekend was a strange walk down memory lane. For starters I attended a baby shower. I find it crazy that my friends and I are old enough to have kids. The whole event seemed very adult like it.  During the shower felt as though our crazy parties days were a memory from long ago (where they that long ago?). I struggle with looking at my friends as adults. It was so good to see everyone. To laugh at all the great memories, and ponder what the future will be. I know my friend will be a wonderful mother, and my former roommate will be a great “aunt” to her daughter. My wish is this little baby is half the woman those two great ladies are.

I drove home wondering how I became old… I often find myself saying things that I thought I’d say when I was older. I’m not sure what age seems “perfect” to say or think these specific thoughts, but 24 doesn’t seem old enough.  I laughed thinking to myself that this is the beginning. This is the beginning of weddings that these babies are only numbers 1 & 2, just wait for 3 & 4. We’ll have to sit down and enjoy the ride (waiter, please one more vodka & soda for me!).

Following the shower Katie & William came to visit. It’s crazy to think that I use to hold them and their feet would meet in the middle of chest. The things they said to me just made me melt inside. Their hugs and kisses are so special to me, and yet again… I started to wonder how I became old.

What all of this reminds me is that tomorrow isn’t promised. That we’re not getting younger, we’re only getting older (but it isn’t a bad thing!) If I regret anything this week, it was that on Thursday I passed up the chance to write the typical funny facebook comment. I thought about it, premeditated the comment and then got distracted. I never came back to thought and the day went on. I’ll never get the chance to write a comment to that person again. I’ll never happen to run into them at any of life’s precious moments like Christmas parties, baby showers, birthdays or weddings. Instead I’ll pay my respects in person on Thursday.

I’m sad that you left us Jessie. I’ll never forget the great times held at Tanner’s Creek & the many other times outside of work. Your smile and laugh were contagious. You always knew how to make the whole room laugh. I hope that you can continue to do so in Heaven.

I wish tomorrow was promised, and that goodbyes never had to occur.

Tomorrow this will be cherished, until then tonight it's unscripted.

UNSCRIPTED……….. It was pretty loud and clear (I’m sure most superwomen (like yourself) understand this… oh so well!). Actually might as well have said, “Hey, ready or not I’m here.” ….

I plan, and I plan to plan. I can’t help it. When I try to “relax” I prepare to relax, and then over think about relaxing to the point where it’s stressful. When I commit to something, I want to give it my all. I want to appear "put together" (even if that means I feel like frazzled, confused, and dazed). I want people to realize I did it to the best of my ability.

I’m stressed. I said it. I admitted it. Now I’d like to avoid it. The agenda in my mind says—pedicure (cup of Joe?) manicure (martini afterwards) full body massage (long nap afterwards) clean out the car (buy a new pair of jeans afterwards) clean up my bedroom (frame new pictures). The agenda on paper says- work 9 days in a row to include 2 double shifts, plan area happy hour (prepare marketing material), prepare for out of town guest (ha-ha… guest… that word makes me laugh), prepare for out of town guest to meet my crazy family (to include aunts/uncles/and grandparents!) and friends (oh by the dozen each time!). But my mind keeps picturing running in my new shoes (In fact, I’m so stressed… I had them “rushed’ to my door… to distract me).

I’m not ridiculous… and I’m acting civilized… (right…. Sure I appear “put together” )At the end of the week, I promise to reward myself. It’s okay to be semi stressed about the bigger picture, however—it is important that each event have its moment. I need to remember that flaws are okay. This week, I’ll leave the late nights for someone else. This week is for smiling and enjoying each moment in life. Each of this week’s events should be fun. None of them shouldn’t be stressful. These events are the ones I’ll remember in years to come, because I’ll have filled my memory card of them.

I'm not just anything....

I’m not just your everyday girl…

         So please don’t waste your caddy judgments on me. 

Brides wear white.

Prom dresses are fancy.

True love is special.

Life is uncertain.

Parents are right.

Funerals are sad.

Rules aren’t to be broken.

School is important.

Respect is mandatory.

What is none of this is true? What if it’s just a way for our families to help keep us grounded? I think all the thoughts listed above are logical, that they’ve been said to keep us safe, and ensure that we’re happy. However—I’m over trying to follow these “standards”. All these little “isms” do is make me ridiculously hard on myself. They make me doubt my abilities, and fear the future.

In the midst of my own pity party, I realize again—this would be the best time for a rulebook. (If the book isn’t finished, or happens to be to long read on toilet, I’d gladly accept flowers instead. Preferably the bright pink ones, with vibrant fresh green stems.) I need to remember that other’s judgment cannot knock me down.

It is important that I chase my dreams. I must remember that road to our dreams can’t be found on the GPS. There is no estimated time of arrival. Everyday the road twist and turns. Some days we all move forward on the path to capturing our dreams, and other days were stagnant. At the end of the day we must remember to take the good with the bad, it’s part of this game of Life.

I may look like your girl next store, but don’t assume that I am your neighbors little girl.

Beep!!!! Beep!!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!!

                  Oh that’s just my alarm to say I’m ovulating….

I’m not sure when it happened, or even how it happened. But I woke up and became an adult. All my friends started making decisions that would forever change their life. My girlfriends started getting butterflies and rings, and my guy friends hung up the all night drinking caps and buckled down.

Because of all these changes there isn’t a weekend that doesn’t have some sort of shower/ celebration. The calendar is filled with these weekend events. I often think I should set aside $400 to cover me for the year of these events. However, I know next year there will be more events, and $400 won’t help me out.

I’m a runner…. More mentally, than physically. However, I’m adopting the new hat of being a physical runner. I’m trying my hardest to stick to the plan for the Marathon. I know I’m running for a good cause. I know that I’m running so another child can go to camp. I’m starting to realize I’m running to put everything into perspective. I’m an avoider. I’m gun-ho about addressing issues I’m passionate about. I especially like the ones where I know I’ll receive the answer I’d like to hear. I don’t do well with those that throw a curve ball into the situation, pit my stomach, or make me think twice about the situation. Hell~ I don’t do well at all with ones that make let down my guard and show my feelings.

I adopted the independent perspective a long time ago. My independent perspective didn’t need anyone to help me, or stand beside me. After my first big heart break, I ruled out ever (or so I thought) wanting to walk down that path again. But as I’m getting older (maybe one day wiser?!) I’m realizing plans don’t really work. They’re just ideas… You can’t always hold yourself to those. As I learn by trial and error that I cannot always hold myself to a plan, I’m learning that sometimes there is no time for a plan. That someone to lean on may just be the next best thing.

I need to face fear in the face. There are going to be more situations that will make me anxious, and uneasy. I need to make it a conscious decision to accept it, educate myself, and tackle it instead of running from it. It is okay to be accepting of change…

To my friends who have set your alarms for more “big girl” reasons~ I’m willing to stand right beside you. We’ll tackle our mixed emotions together.

Beep!!!! Beep!!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!! …….. Beep!!!!! Beep!!!!

Assemble It Yourself~

We play by the rules, or so we think… We aim to hit all the “ monumental” moments at right the times, and obey the rules/ laws when we’re working towards those moments. But do you ever wish there was a legit “Life for Dummies” book??

If I could sit down and write a few chapters, I’d start with all the moments that made me dodge my mother, and my palms sweat. The ones that make you so uncomfortable, you’re not even sure how to figure out if the sequence of events are actually “ normal”.

Chapter 1: Braces

For the next 18-36 months you will look like a fool (I’m sorry, it’s true)! These will only be “ cute” for one week, approximately around week # 2 once your mouth is out of the initial (note: initial means the first time) agony. Please brush often, and avoid obnoxious colors—it’s far from “ adorable” to make your mouth look like an American Flag, or a sideline cheerleader for your favorite sports team.

Chapter 2: Aunt Flow

She sucks—I’m not sure why you were ever patiently waiting till it was your turn. For the next 30 years, you’ll bitch every time you think of her coming to town.  Do yourself a favor (I’m begging you!)-- skip the pad phase. It will take you years to master the strategic lay out of those bulky items. And because you will feel like you’re wearing a diaper, you will walk in the most awkward manner. Your walk will scream to everyone that you’re on your PERIOD, and your secret will no longer be safe.

I’ll need help writing the in-between chapters because I can’t remember the devastating issues of life, besides sitting for days tapping my feet on the title floor hoping I got asked to Prom. When I’d write again, I’d begin writing about college, and all the crazy events that take place at the most unexpected times.

I’ll divide my chapters with brief personal stories from friends, because it is those “awful” stories that make the events so much better.  Truth of the matter is that years later, these events are just as vivid as yesterday. Just now, they don’t evoke sweating palms. I suppose I’ll continue to take all of these moments, because later they’re better shared over a bottle of wine with your closest friends~

“Eventually all the pieces fall into place.... until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason.” Carrie Bradshaw